The last few weeks I’ve been working so hard on all of the pieces that make up MamaBear. I am really excited about this. I am pretty proud of it. It has the potential to help a lot of women to see their worth and to start working on believing in themselves more and to be able to change some of the negative mindsets we all get in. It has taken a lot of time and emotional energy to do this, but it has been worth it.
Sometimes I get scared though. I start doubting myself. Wondering if I even know how to do what I need to do. Wondering if what I'm working on will turn out good enough. I get scared that no one will like it, which means that no one will like me. I know that is not realistic, but that is how my mind works.
I care so deeply about empowering others, especially women, especially you, my tribe. I care so much about helping you to see how amazing your lives could be, if you just believe in yourselves more. I was so worried about all of this that I forgot for a minute to care about myself. I forgot to take a moment and realize that I am brave and that I can do hard things. I forgot to think about what an incredible journey this life has been and that I am in an amazing place in my life now. I want to share this beautiful place in my life with you.
Through this journey I’ve been able to try so many new things, which is so scary but at the same time refreshing. Before starting MamaBear, I hadn't really done any writing since I was in school and had to do it for assignments. I actually don’t remember ever doing any writing for fun, since becoming a grown up :). I never realized how therapeutic blogging could be. It feels like writing in my diary and sharing my heart out to my world and at the same time discovering new things about myself. I guess that’s why this whole process has been scary for me. It’s all so personal. It’s all real.
So, I’m figuring out how to push myself to be braver. I’m figuring out how to push myself to try harder. I’m figuring out how to keep going even when things seem impossible. I’m pushing myself to try new things, even if that means sometimes failing. I’m pushing myself to continue to believe in myself even though the excitement will wear off.
I continue to say my MamaBear Mantra (I am strong, I am confident, I am brave) almost every day. I continue to find things to tell myself that I am proud of. I continue to reach out to friends (old and new) for sources of encouragement when I’m feeling insecure. I continue to think about all of you, reading this, at a moment that you might really need to hear what I’m saying. I am overwhelmed with appreciation and love for all of you, who are supporting me on this beautiful journey that is a big part of my life.
I love you my tribe.
I hope you will continue to join me on the journey. I would love it if you’d like to join the Mama Bear Tribe on Facebook , we will be having more personal and interactive discussions there.
Dear Young MamaBear,
Sometimes life is really hard. One day you will lose someone that you love very much and it will be so so hard. At times it may feel like you will never be okay again. Some days you might wonder if anyone has ever been as sad as you feel. But in the end, you can use the pain, from the loss, to be more real and more you. With time and love and support, you can become a stronger, more confident person than you’ve ever been before.
I think everyone, at some point in their life, will most likely lose someone that is really hard to move past. For me it was my mom. I had already lost my dad 3 years before, when she died. It’s been 5 years now. Lately I’ve been missing her so much.
Part of it has to do with me myself moving into a new decade this year. I’ve also been doing a lot of soul searching/life examining this year. I’m realizing that it is really hard to move into a new phase of life, knowing that my mom would be so proud of me, but knowing that she can't see it happen. Wishing I could hear her approval in my ear.
I’ve heard all of the things that people say to someone who suffers a loss: She's watching from above. She’s in a better place now. She's in your heart always. She's with Jesus. Pray. Honestly though, none of this is really helpful, when your heart is missing a piece of it. I know that people mean well, and I am so thankful for their kind hearts. It's just not something that anyone can understand though, unless you've been through it yourself.
There is one comforting thought though, that my amazing, beautiful husband reminds me of. I think of it often, when I have a big wave of ‘missing my mom so bad it physically hurts my chest’ wash over me. It is this: When you love someone and are really connected with them, you can never really be apart from them, because they become a part of who you are. They become so deeply connected with you that you are never really alone. Your ‘souls', or ‘beings', or however you want to think of it, are merged in a way that no one can ever separate.
I understand that thought in a way that I've never understood love before. It's so personal and real and validating. It’s painful to love someone that much and physically be separated from them. But that thought is what carries me through hard moments. That thought is what keeps me connected to my mom in a tangible way. In a way that I can find peace about it all.
I know that I am surrounded by people that love me. I know that I am growing. I know that I am working everyday to get closer to who I want to be. I may still have hard moments or hard days, or hard weeks, especially around anniversaries of when I've lost loved ones. I also know now, that on those days, it's okay to let myself feel those hard feelings and let myself be sad or scared or hurting. I know that those moments come less frequently and usually less intensely than they used to. I now know that those moments or days are part of who I am. And that is beautiful.
I hope you will continue to join me on this journey
Please share this blog or www.facebook.com/mamabearlife with anyone that you think needs to hear this message.
Dear Young MamaBear,
Our memories are often crowded with pain and grief but hopefully you will be able to let go of some past, painful experiences through this. You won't need to hide those parts of you any more because you can let them stay in the past while you continue to move forward. They will always be a little part of who you are, but you don't have to let them be in charge of you. You don't have to let the past hold onto you anymore.
Sometimes you need to look at the big picture to realize that you are going to be okay, or that you are at least a little more okay than you were 6 months ago. You are a work in progress. You always will be. You will never again be exactly who you are right now.
Every day you can move toward being you and being real and being loving and being loved. You can try every day to enjoy the little things in life- a call from a friend, a hug from a little one, a game with your children, an unexpected gift, a warm shower, an iced coffee! It’s all those little things that make up your life, so try to enjoy them as they happen.
If you have anger or other strong emotions that you're holding onto from your past, that can really hold you back from being who you want to be. Something that I've learned, when you feel that anger, or whatever emotion trying to take over you or attack someone else, stop for a second and take a breath and acknowledge that feeling. Acknowledge that you are feeling angry, or scared or whatever the feeling is, and then decide that yes I know this feeling and I am not going to let it control me. I can be in control of my emotions. I don't have to let this control my life. It’s hard, it’s an everyday choice. But it is possible.
Each day that you decide to really try to discover who you are and who you want to be, will be a day that you are moving toward you. Each day that you decide to open up to someone will be a day that you are growing. Each day that you try to overcome something that's been hurting your heart is a day that you are becoming stronger. One day you will look back and think, “I've overcome so much!”, “I've grown so much!”, “I am so much stronger and braver than I ever thought I could be”. I am me!
I hope you will continue to join me on this journey!
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